Everything will be OK

The biggest lesson I've learned in the last 8 weeks is that everything will be OK.  It really will be.

There is one thing that James and I said we would never do: give Eli a pacifier.  And I found myself compromising.  I never wanted to give him a paci because I am deathly afraid of him having bad teeth.  I refuse to settle for Eli having braces someday.

I found myself trying to comfort Eli one night when he was about 2 weeks old - nothing I did worked. He was crying and screaming and wailing....I didn't know what else to do. So I did what every new mother does - I googled it.  I grabbed my phone and with screaming baby in crib, typed "how to soothe a crying newborn".  I got all sorts of tips, and the most common one was "Use a pacifier."  I learned that babies are naturally always trying to suck, and I noticed Eli was always sticking almost his entire hand in his mouth.  One of the mommies in my first-time-mommy group on FB told me, "you can always take the paci away - you can never take away his thumb."  She had a point.  I grabbed the only paci I could find and put it in his mouth.  Instant silence.  Instant sleep. That was the first night Eli slept 4 hours straight.  At 2 weeks old, we were golden.

I struggled a lot with that decision - because time after time I kept asking myself - am I doing what's best for Eli, or what's best for ME?  Am I doing this so that I can sleep, or am I doing this so that HE sleeps?  I went to bed and felt genuinely sad and grumpy. I felt like such a sellout. I hated that I had backtracked on a decision I had already made. After talking to James we decided we'd see how he would do.  Eli is now 8 weeks old and he is doing really well.  The paci helps to soothe him when he's extra fussy and he spits it out when he no longer wants it.  My hope is that I'll take it away from him before he starts teething...we'll see how that goes.

I learned that what I thought I knew before I was a parent all went out the window.  It's just like when you're single (girls, really).  You think you know exactly how you want your wedding to be - you know what colors you'll want, you know what dress you'll buy, you have it all pinned on Pinterest. And then you get engaged.  And the real planning starts.  And everything changes. Nothing stays the same.

Every kid is different.  Most of the time there's no right or wrong answer.  The most important part about motherhood is that we have to learn to trust ourselves.  To know that we know what's best for our children.  Will we (I) fail?  Absolutely.  Multiple times. But that's life.  Everyone fails.  And as much as I absolutely positively HATE not having the answers to all of my questions, it is what it is. And I figure it out as I go.

So all of this to say....everything will be OK.  I promise.

My sweet Eli and his paci